oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
