so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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