I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
