I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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