So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
