I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
