If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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