the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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