Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
