Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
