I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
