My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
