they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You are a genius and a whore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
