So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
