i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
