apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
