Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
