That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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