I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
