We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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