We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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