dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
