I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
