i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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