she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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