respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
