I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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