All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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