well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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