Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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