Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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