I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
