that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
