If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize