You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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