it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
