I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's like iHOP with fire
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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