im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
