you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
