my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
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