At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
