I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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