Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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