im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
