I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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