Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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