i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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