You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
