I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
