Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
