In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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