I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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