Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
