I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
