I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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