I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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