So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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