what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize