I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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