Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
