i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
pop tarts are not kleenex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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