I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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