i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
