To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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