dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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