I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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