Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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