I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
