I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
