I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
