Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
