Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
