If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
