I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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