Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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