You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
