Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
