No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
