I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
